Imagined Conversation between Kellyanne Conway and Donald about the Fuck Donald Trump music video.
Alright Donald, sit down, don’t forget your juicy juice. We’re going to do a bit of math.
…No that’s not when we pointlessly build a massive wall that will cost millions to keep out people that actually are less likely to commit crimes than people born here. It’s where you put numbers together to get a bigger number.
So let’s look at these numbers. The first one is for a music video on YouTube. What’s it called? Well….. it’s called Fuck…. you. Donny…. come on Donny don’t cry. Who’s a big boy? Who’s my big boy? I’ll take you out for a taco salad later; I know how much you love them.
So anyway Donald, this music video has 14,747,404 views. Yes, that is a big number. Have you learned to count to ten yet? Well don’t worry, you’ll get there big guy.
So let’s get back to the math, OK? You said your Inauguration had a huuuuuuuge viewership right? Oh yes Donald, I’m sure your YouTube videos got more views than the music video. So let’s count them. Well, you might need to use more than your fingers and toes, Donald.
So here’s what your videos got. The ABC stream of your inauguration had 1,606,724 views. Do you know the ABCs? Well, that’s good but Z actually comes last and there’s no letter Putin. Yes Donny I know Putin is your friend… Yes, I think he will come to your birthday party if you ask nicely.
The CBS stream had 1,072,095, and the NBC stream had 9,830,944. So what do we get if we add those up, Donald? No. It’s not a bagillion. It’s 12,509,763
Well, sure. Let’s add an extra two million for the smaller feeds like Bloomberg and Infowars. I’m really too tired to count them. Yes, I know Alex Jones really likes you. Yeah he’s the funny yelling man. So what do we get when we add them all up Donald? Is it more than the music video?
No, that’s not more than the music video, Donald. No, it really isn’t. Donald look, just look at the numbers, I can show you… please, just stop calling me rude, Donald. Donald!
God damnit, Donald! You spilled your juice on the Reagan rug!!!!
P.S. Fuck Donald Trump