Trump’s Gettysburg Address

Gettysburg Adress

I have to give the credit for this idea to conservative professor Steven Hayward, who gave his own version of the first two lines in class on Thursday.  While much has been said about Trump "talking like the people" the real translation of that phrase is "least eloquent president we have ever had."  So without further ado, Trump's Gettysburg Address.

Trump's Gettysburg Address

Eighty seven years ago there were some really great, great people.  I mean, nobody loves these guys...

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Somebody Nominated Trump For A Fucking Nobel Prize, And I Could Not Laugh Harder

Nobel Prize

A Nobel Prize For Donald Trump?

I promise, I am 100% serious folks.  Initially I saw this story during my nightly ritual of cruising conspiracy theory websites.  It was reported on none other than Alex Jones' Infowars.  Normally I wouldn't take anything they say seriously, but you can't report something like this without some sort of actual information.  I was completely flabbergasted that anyone would think Trump worthy of a Nobel prize.

So after cruising a bit I found a...

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Could Sean Hannity Possibly Suck Trump’s Dick Any Harder?

Hannity Trump

You can watch the interview on YouTube here.

Sean Hannity's interview last Thursday with President Trump would have been better suited for Pornhub than Fox News.  During the entire interview I nearly yelled at my TV multiple times, "Don't forget the balls Sean!!!"

Trump kept mentioning all of the great (and untrue) things he'd seen on Sean's show, Sean repeatedly mentioned just how much he agrees with Trump.  It was a regular love fest.  If I had to categorize it I would have put it...

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A Short List Of Real Actions You Can Take To Resist Trump

We have to live with it people.  We have to live with the fact that a minority of the country elected a man who said he can "grab them by the pussy".  A climate change denier who doesn't care about human rights and thinks his inauguration crowd was doubleplusgood.  We let him win because none of us thought it would really happen.  We thought it was such an insane possibility that none of us showed up to vote.  Now it is time to resist.

But there are definitely things we can do to...

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Leaked Transcript Of Trump’s Phone Call To President Putin.

This transcript was stolen by Melania, who escaped her dungeon, and left on my porch in a mayonnaise jar at 5:30 this morning.  She also included a plea for help, but this is more interesting.  Included was the complete record of Donald Trump's phone call with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Phone Rings

Trump:  Hello Vlad

Putin: Hello my precious

Trump: No pillow talk Vlad, we need to do something bigly

Putin:What's wrong Donald, you sound stressed

Trump:...

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“Fuck Donald Trump” Music Video Has Almost 15 Million Hits On YouTube. Guess How Many The Inauguration Has?

Imagined Conversation between Kellyanne Conway and Donald about the Fuck Donald Trump music video.

Alright Donald, sit down, don't forget your juicy juice.  We're going to do a bit of math.

...No that's not when we pointlessly build a massive wall that will cost millions to keep out people that actually are less likely to commit crimes than people born here.  It's where you put numbers together to get a bigger number.

So let's look at these numbers.  The first one is for a music...

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Do I Even Need To Write About How Wrong Trump Is On Voter Fraud?

For the last several days my news feed has been filled with stories about 3-5 million illegal immigrants, dead people, and others that apparently swung the popular vote to Hillary Clinton.  In a country where not even 60% of the country bothers to vote, the Trump administration has the balls to claim that millions went to the extra effort of voting illegally, risking felonies and fines.  Really think about that, it should be all you need in order to realize how insane it is to claim that...

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