This transcript was stolen by Melania, who escaped her dungeon, and left on my porch in a mayonnaise jar at 5:30 this morning. She also included a plea for help, but this is more interesting. Included was the complete record of Donald Trump's phone call with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Trump: Hello Vlad
Putin: Hello my precious
Trump: No pillow talk Vlad, we need to do something bigly
Putin:What's wrong Donald, you sound stressed